the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
