that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
