i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think I just sharted jello shots
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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