and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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