I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
