she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
