Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
