So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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