Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
