spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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