TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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