Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
