I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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