We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I intend to get homeless drunk
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize