How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
