oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
