There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Randomize
