Swine flu. Run for my life!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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