im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
