Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
