new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize