After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
