i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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