4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Already got asked if we're dating
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
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