They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
