thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I bet he comes in French.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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