Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
