At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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