Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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