i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
