He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
