He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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