I wish I could punch you in the face.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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