Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
