dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
