Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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