my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
