just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
