Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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