Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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