it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
