9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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