We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
