either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
