it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
