Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
3pm strippers are depressing
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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