i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize