Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize