matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
