"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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