Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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