Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
