Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
