ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
