We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
