So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
