I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
PANTIES FOUND
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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