...so i touched it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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