i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
