The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
