All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sorry about my life...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
