Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
