sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
