I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
