Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
