So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
