my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
