Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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