Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
