I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
