there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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