If i come over, it means nothing
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
