Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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