Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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