Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
